ARSHI FS: Dard se Tere...

PART 03: Beethe hue lamhon ko phir…

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds’. I do not agree. The wound remains. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
                                                                                                                                   - By Rose Kennedy

                                                                                                                                  







MARCH 20, 2018 



ENGLAND - 04:00 P.M.













At some point, you realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life. They say, love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to. It can be terrifying to love someone because the more you care about a person and the more passion you hold for them, the more likely you are to get hurt yet it carries a whole lot of wisdom and truth. It is so much easier not to mess with love because that way you can never experience heartbreak, but romance is all about taking chances and trusting the other person to stick by your side. If a relationship doesn't have trust, then there is no point in trying to make it work. Trust is the glue that keeps two people together but then again being tied to someone doesn’t make you accept them either. You can be married to someone, be their wife for everyone but he isn’t your husband for you and wasn’t she living that life as she thought with a mocking smile to herself staring out of the car window as they drove through busy streets of England. It was silent inside the car as little Arnav was sleeping while neither of the three adults seemed in mood to talk anytime soon, all lost in their own thoughts.










Mrs. Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada, wife of Mr. Nandkishore Kapoor to world but neither has she let another man’s name to be attached to her nor anyone other than Arnav Singh Raizada is her husband, no matter what the world or anyone else says. Today she was travelling to London with Rajput family despite the protests of all her family members and had especially denied to be accompanied by Mr. Nandkishore Kapoor despite being 04 months pregnant. Her thoughts wonder to the last conversation with Nani, the only person who understood and been her pillar of strength except her Babuji.
























----FLASHBACK----











SEPTEMBER 10, 2013 




AIMS HOSPITAL, DELHI – 08:00 A.M.











Khushi sombrely sat on the chair beside the hospital bed holding Nani’s hand who was sleeping now due to the effects of sedative that she was given by doctor. It’s been three days since she was admitted in hospital after a fatal heart-attack one afternoon she had and due to being brought immediately for medical care had saved her. But the doctor has not given out-of-danger signal which was why she is still in hospital and Khushi had been adamant about staying with her, not listening to anyone. 



Devyani Singh Raizada, is a strong woman and she had to be to have survived the worse situation life had thrown towards her. She had survived when her husband died for her children, she survived her daughter and son-in-law’s suicide and the scandal for her grandchildren, she survived the hard days of financial crisis while supporting her family just looking at her grandson’s struggle to stable them. She had survived all but knowing she had betrayed her Chotte and been so harsh to him for no reason had broken her. She glanced at the young woman beside her, and she doesn’t know what to do or say to make things right for her, if only they had given Chotte a chance to explain instead of just giving him punishment for a crime he never did. And the guilt increases every time she looks at Khushi, oh the bubbly colourful girl is nothing like what she had been in the beginning, gone the smiles and chatting and chirpiness. What is left is a woman clad in white saree, hair tied in bun and almost no jewelleries except of the basic, no one can say seeing her that she got married 06 months ago but then isn’t she aware that this marriage is nothing for her except a compromise.  

KHUSHI'S SAREE AND LOOK

If only she could go back in time and make things right, not for her guilt but for this young woman whose name is Khushi but there isn’t a single trace of happiness in her life anymore. She squeezed the hand in hers, gain attention and slowly said: “Khushi Bitya, you stayed at night again… didn’t I tell you to go home to rest and let someone else stay…?” with little difficulty.









Khushi looks at her with exasperated fondness, replied: “And didn’t I tell you Nani that I’m going RM with you only whenever that is, so you get well soon that we can go to Shantivan together.” brushed a lose lock of her behind her ear asked, “How are you feeling now Nani…?” concern in her eyes as she looked at elderly woman who is her motherly support. 







Nani gave a weak smile in answer said: “For now am fine but I don’t think I have much time anymore but the only thing stopping me is my concern for you Bitya… Agar hume kuch ho gaya toh aapko kon dekhega Khushi Bitya…?” her motherly worries expressed.




She shakes her head, says: “Don’t say like that Nani, you are going to get fine in no time and stop worrying about me, just concentrate on getting well.” trying to be positive even though she knows what Nani was saying was true








Nani looks sadly at her, as she said: “Khushi Bitya life has shown me a lot of things and I have always overcome those for my children but the wrong I did with my Chotte… to you, that is what is eating me… has broken me. And this is universal truth that one day everyone has to go, I can feel it is my time but as I said the only thing, I am fighting against it is my concern for you… If I am gone than who is going to look after you, who will be your only shoulder to cry and understand you… I can’t leave you like this, if I do than what am I going to say to my Chotte that I left his Khushi alone.” her voice weak and fragile as she looked at the moment.







Khushi tears up knowing what is to come and what she needs to do, replies: “Jo bhi hua Arnav ke saath woh sirf aapki galti nahi thi… humari bhi thi, hume unhe ek moka dena chahiye tha apni baat kahne ka, hume Nanheji ko rokna chahiye tha aisa bawal machane se aur sabko unke khilaf karne se unke aane ke phele. Nani uss din, Arnav ne kaha tha hume ki unhe kuch zaroori baat karni hai humse… ki intezaar kare unka, ki who humare har sawaal ka jawab denge par jab Nanheji aaye woh photos leke aur bataya ki unhone unhe ek dusri aurat ke saath dekha aur baat karte hue suna hume chor ne aur dhoka dena ke baare mein. I had let my insecurities rule my judgement and instead of stopping him I had given him the opportunity to exploit them. I should have told him that he was wrong, should have waited for Arnav to arrive and given him a chance to explain instead I turned everyone against him by bring up the 06 months contract marriage, turned everyone against him and accused him myself. Uss din Arnav hume waha khade aise dekh raha tha jaise maano uska dil nikal kar hume usse hazaar tukre kar diye, aaj bhi dard hota yeh jaan kar ki hume unhe woh dard diya tha. Agle din jab sare emotions nikel gaye hume ehsaas hua ki humne galat kiya lekin humare ahem ne rok liya hume unhe dhoodne se aur maafi maang ne se… Hum unke aane ka intezaar kar rahe the har baar ki tarah. Aur phir do hafte baad Amanji, Rishabhji aaye Will padhne ke liye aur hume ehsaas hua uss pal ki hume kya kar diya… ki Arnav sach mein chale gaye humari zindigi se aur ab wapas nahi aayenge. Hum jaante hai ki hum sara ilzaam Nanheji par laga sakte hai yeh kah ke ki unhone hume Arnav ke khilaf kar diya par hum toh itne bhi beghuna nahi hai, haina…? If he tried to take advantage of the situation to marry me than I was the one who had believed him and accused Arnav, I should have had more faith in him, I know Arnav better than to believe him to be a cheater or two-timer. Hum bewakoof the aur iski saza bhukat rahe hai, issi liye toh shaadi ki Nanheji… Unhone humse shaadi karne ke liye Arnav ko sabse door kar diya aur ab hum unki patni hai lekin unki Khushi nahi… Khushi aaj bhi apne Arnav ki hai, sirf apne Arnav ki Piyu banke.” she moved to wipe Nani’s tears ignoring her own said, “Nani agar aapko lagta hai ki aapka waqt aagaya hai toh sukoon se jaiye, hume maat rokne dijiye aapko and am going to fine… ab tak sambhala hai khud ko, aage bhi sambhal hi lenge. Aapka Chotte humse naraaz hojayega agar usse pata chala ki hum aapko itna pareshaan kar rahe hai, aap humari chinta chor dijiye Nani.” assuring the old lady. (What happened with Arnav, wasn’t only your fault… it was mine too, I should have given him a chance to explain himself, I should have stopped Nanheji from creating such scene and turning everyone against him before he came. Nani that day, Arnav had told me that he wanted to talk to me about something important… to wait for him, that he’ll answer everything to me but when Nanheji came with those photos and story about seeing him with another woman talking about leaving me and cheating on me. I had let my insecurities rule my judgement and instead of stopping him I had given him the opportunity to exploit them. I should have told him that he was wrong, should have waited for Arnav to arrive and given him a chance to explain instead I turned everyone against him by bring up the 06 months contract marriage, turned everyone against him and accused him myself. That day Arnav looked at me standing there as if I had taken his heart out and stomped it in thousand pieces, even today it hurts knowing that I was the reason to hurt him so much. Later the next day when all emotions of earlier wore off I realized I was wrong but it was my pride that stopped me from seeking him to ask forgiveness… I sat there waiting for him to come to me but he never came. And then 02 weeks later Amanji, Rishabhji came for Will reading it was that moment I actually realized what I had done… that Arnav has really gone from my life and he wasn’t coming back. I know I can put all the blame on Nanheji for turning us against Arnav but we aren’t blameless, are we…? If he tried to take advantage of the situation to marry me than I was the one who had believed him and accused Arnav, I should have had more faith in him, I know Arnav better then to believe him to be a cheater or two-timer. I was stupid and I am paying for that, isn’t that the reason I married Nanheji… He wanted to marry me which was why he drove Arnav away from everyone and now I am his wife but not his Khushi… Even today Khushi only belongs to her Arnav, and she is going to remain as her Arnav’s Piyu. Nani if you think it is your time than go in peace, don’t let me hold you back and am going to fine…till now I have handled myself, in future too I can. Your Chotte is going to be very angry with me if he knows that I am troubling you so much, don’t worry about me Nani.)

She had kissed Nani’s hand and led her head on her shoulder, seeking comfort and silently assuring the elder woman that she would be fine. That afternoon when Devyani Singh Raizada had slept for her nap, to never wake up again and Raizada family had lost the only pillar of strength while for Khushi, she had lost her mother figure. 




















----FLASHBACK ENDS----




















With Nani’s death another piece of her also died, she had withdrawn even more from others even more, became even more untouchable and unreachable to them. While her marriage was a joke, Nanheji knew well enough that even though he had taken his husband rights on her body, there was so place of him in her heart. Hell, she still went by the name Mrs. Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada and they maintained a happy couple façade in front of the world… that was not her, she could care less what anyone thought though she did her duties expected of her. But it was NK who cared to maintain the façade to the world and family which worked mostly for the world and on their family most of the times in these five years. And she feels like her Jiji had always known that everything was as alright as Nanheji had tried to show, Jiji had realized she was fading and tired so hard to hold her, to stop her from vanishing. But hasn’t been able to do anything except just watch her become more distant and turn into a hollow shell. 









They say change is inevitable, sometimes it is slow process like seasons changing and sometimes it is sudden like earthquakes or cyclones but in the end change is inevitable. And the earthquake of change had hit Raizada family one sudden morning, it brought out bitter truths from its cracks and left behind only regret for everyone. Everything had changed that morning visit to temple and returning home with Aman, Sonakshi and little Arnav, it was earthquake in RM which had shaken the house and its residents…

















----FLASHBACK----











FEBRUARY 15, 2018 



SHANTIVAN, DELHI – 10:00 A.M.











HP had opened the door only to be greeted with the shocking sight of Aman standing on the doorstep carrying an unconscious Khushiji. He called loudly screaming at top his lungs in urgent voice: “Payal Bhabhi! Anjali Didi! Akash Bhaiyya! NK Bhaiyya! Lavanyaji! Shyamji! Mamiji! Mamaji! Jaldi aayiye…”  as he stepped aside to let Aman inside and closed the door behind them.





Aman walked in the living room as all came running only to see him carrying unconscious Khushi as he carefully led her on a sofa, Payal had rushed to her sister already crying closely followed by concerned Anjali and Lavanya while the men hovered worried. Payal asked crying as her sister won’t walk up: “Amanji what happened to Khushi… why isn’t she waking up…?” 







Aman who had stepped aside seeing the incoming of so many people replied: “She fainted at temple and we had taken her to hospital, doctor said due fainted due to shock and low BP. She had woken up in hospital and had gotten so hysterical that the doctors had to give her mild sedatives, she should wake up soon.” as he took in how much has everyone changed in last five years which wasn’t much except for Khushi’s appearance, Lavanya’s presence, two little kids and he had already noted the garland on Devyani Raizada’s photo.






NK asked concerned: “But how did she faint--” not being able to finish his sentence due to finally noticing other two person arrived with Aman.









Others too turned to look what it was and were shocked to see the woman whose photos NK had shown them years ago was standing with sindoor, mangalsutra and a toddler in arms who resembled Arnav too much. But before adults could say anything little Prem who had come to living room with his older siblings pulled the auntie’s pallu asking cutely: “Auntie, is that your son…?” one finger in his mouth.






Sonakshi smiled down at the kid, bend down with her son, replied: “Yes this is my son and who are you…?” pulling the finger out of his mouth gently.






The kid smiled answering: “Prem… that is Shreya Di and my little brother Sammy is sleeping in room.” pointing to his older sibling besides him, then asked, “What is his name…?” curiously looking at the new kind.






She smiled saying: “Why don’t you ask him, he’ll tell you…” as the two kids look at her son curiously.





Never known for being shy, the five years old said confidently: “I am ASR.” making his snobby tone sounded adorable. 






Prem frowned: “That is not name…” 






Little ASR said haughtily: “What the! Well my name is Arnav but you call me only ASR.” sounding quite adorable with his demand. 






Little Prem shrugged and said: “Okay… want to play ASR…?” more interested in getting new play-mate than his name.












Looking at his mom once of permission who just smiled at him and turned to his new friend agreeing and ran with them to wherever it was, they wanted to play. Sonakshi smiled softly at the direction where the kids had run off laughing merrily, at least someone was happy. Payal having enough sense asked nanny to watch the kids, feed them and make them take their naps, basically not let them come here as knew well enough that things would get ugly really fast now. Sonakshi stood up, turning to face the family with nothing giving her expression away as the nanny had left hurriedly.












As soon as the nanny was gone, did the line of questions and accusations started being thrown at the guests by everyone together, at once. Anjali exclaimed angrily: “You…? What are you doing here…? And how dare you step a foot in his house and that too with that kid…? Aman how could you bring her here?!” panting heavily as she leaned into her husband for support.

Payal holding her unconscious sister’s hand sat beside her on the sofa, too angrily questioned: “You did something to my sister… you are responsible for her state, I know and is that man also here with you…? Kaha hai woh…?” though she was more concerned about her sister’s well-being of seeing the man she loved with another woman and kid.

NK asked agitated: “Where is Arnav…? Is he waiting outside…?” looking behind them as if he was going to come walking through the door.





Lavanya too angrily: “Where is ASR…? I am going to give him good for what he did to Chamkeli and how dare he come here after all that…?!” raging on her friend’s behalf.





Akash angrily: “Where is that man and why has he come here…? No one wants him, tell him to leave!” he didn’t want to see the face of that man whom he idealized once, they all have erased him from their lives.







Mamaji calmly asked: “Arnav Bitwa is also with you…?” most anger forgotten having missed his nephew in all these years.






Mamiji said in typical style: “Hum chotta packetwa ko seeing, now where ijj the bada packetwa, Hello Hi Bye-bye?!” flipping her hands. (We have seen the small packet, now where is the big packet, hello hi bye-bye?!)








Sonakshi bit her tongue hearing their words but didn’t speak a word knowing if she does than there will be no stopping her from bashing these people, so concentrated on controlling her anger. Aman had no problem and let is loose: “ENOUGH! You all are not going to talk about my wife or my son or my friend like that!” and the Raizada Mansion residents stared at him wide-eyes, he repeated, “Yes you heard it right, this woman here is my wife, Dr. Sonakshi Aman Singh Rajput and that was my son, Arnav Singh Rajput. There was never any so-called affair between ASR and Sonakshi, they were best friends and shared brother-sister relationship… Every year Sonakshi used to tie ASR rakhi at rakshabandhan ever since they had known each other, for heaven’s sake!” frustrated of these stupid accusations. 

Everyone’s eyes bugged out hearing that the lady they thought to be having affair was someone he actually considered sister. But before anyone could say anything, a screaming voice had the attention of everyone. Khushi had woken up screaming: “ARNAVVVV!” sat up with one hand outstretched looking around widely with tears streaming down her face.






Payal quickly went to calming her sister, she held her face turning towards her said: “Khushi… Khushi… shant ho jao… Khushi look at me… calm down Khushi…” trying to get her attention be failed. 

But fanatic Khushi doesn’t seem to register those words at all as she tried to get the people off her and wildly look around for someone but didn’t find them. Having spotted Aman and Sonakshi, she rushed to them hurriedly getting up before anyone could guess and stop her. She held on to Aman asking urgently: “Amanji… Amanji… humara Arnav kaha hai…? Amanji I know you are angry and Arnav is also angry with me but don’t do like this to me… please please tell me where he is… I want to say sorry to him for misunderstanding him, for not having faith in love even when I knew from bottom of my heart that he can never ever cheat on me… Amanji this is all I have been waiting for last 05 years even if every moment was an agony that I will see him once, ask forgiveness and tell him that his Piyu still loves him. Amanji please boliye na, humara Arnav kaha hai…? Kuch toh boliye…” shaking him, sobbing now as she kept pleading him.








Aman had to turn his eyes away because he really couldn’t watch her state, tried saying: “Khushiji I told you that he can’t come… ASR ab kabhi nahi aa sakta…” feeling tears burning his eyes.

Khushi jerked away from him angrily: “Jhoot! Aap jhoot bol rahe hai… aap gussa ho iss liye hume nahi bata rahe ki woh kaha hai, haina?! Hum jaante hai…” then turned to Sonakshi desperately, crying, “Sonakshiji hume maaf kar dijiye jo hume aapke bare mein galat socha, lekin please aap toh hume bata dijiye ki humara Arnav kaha hai…? Kitne din hogaye unhe dekha nahi… iss intezaar mein itne saal guzar diye ki ek baar unhe dekhenge… Hume aise saza maat dijiye Sonakshiji, bas ek baar humare Arnav se hume mila diye please… Boliye na kaha hai humara Arnav...?!” pleading holding her hands. (Lies! You are lying… you are angry with me that is why you won’t tell me, right? I know…  Sonakshiji please forgive me for thinking bad about you but please at least you tell me where my Arnav is…? It’s been so long I haven’t seen him… I have waited all these years with hopes of seeing him once… Don’t punish me like this Sonakshiji, just once let me see my Arnav please… Tell me where is my Arnav…?!)

Sonakshi hugged her as she replied: “Khushi am so sorry… so sorry but Arnie is not coming back ever again, you have to accept this…” she felt her fight her but she held her tighter and rubbed her back continued, “Yehi sach hai Khushi tumhara Arnav ab kabhi wapas nahi aayega, usse guzre hue paach saal hogaye hai… ab kabhi wapas nahi aayega chahe hum usse kitna bhi kyun na bulaye… ab tumhara Arnav nahi aayega, kabhi nahi aayega… am sorry, so sorry for having to tell you like this…” crying herself as the girl in her arms went limp and she supported her before Khushi fell down. (This is the truth Khushi your Arnav is never coming back, he passed away five years ago… now he will never come back no matter how much we call him or want him to… your Arnav is not coming back, never coming back… am sorry, so sorry for having to tell you like this…)

Khushi legs gave out as Sonakshi held her uptight along with Aman, she said weakly: “Ar-- Arnav--Humara Arnav nahi aaye-- nahi aayega… Aise kaise woh jaa sakta hai hume aise chor kar…?” as tears rolled down her cheeks and the other two made her sit quickly on a sofa. Aman stepped back after helping and Sonakshi hugged Khushi who started wiling and crying on her shoulder, breaking down. (Ar-- Arnav-- My Arnav isn’t com-- isn’t coming back… How can he go leaving me like this…?)









The others were also stumped by the news of Arnav’s death and they just sat staring at crying Khushi being consoled by Sonakshi and Payal too went to her sister leaving her confusion for now, she had to hold her sister though her pain. Sonakshi said trying to hush her: “Khushi… Khushi stop crying… You have to get a grip over yourself… Khushi it is not good for you to take this much stress in your condition, think about your baby if not anything else…” dropping another bomb on the family but there was no joy of the news, even for Khushi who started crying harder.











By now, the news seemed to have registered in their minds as the shock faded away, they too started their mourning. Anjali was weeping on Shyam’s shoulder while Akash was controlling his tears and consoling his crying parents, hardly able to believe that his Bhai was not there anymore. Lavanya felt disbelieve and cried more seeing her friend’s state while NK stood stupefied, scared to even know about the reason behind Arnav’s death.





Khushi’s loud cries of agony had lessened into quite sobs as she asked: “How… how did he di--” not being able to complete the sentence, stifling another heart-breaking sob.






Still knowing what she was asking, Aman replied: “ASR ko brain tumour tha, he died a year after he went away from the disease as he had denied the treatment for it.” 






Everyone looked shocked at the news of Arnav’s disease and Khushi questioned: “Brain tumour…? And why did he stop his treatment…?” in disbelieve that how come she had never noticed this. 







Aman turned away not replying and it was Sonakshi who answered: “Arnie ka brain tumour detect hua tha tumse Lucknow mein mile ke ek mahine phele aur uss waqt woh treatment karwa ke liye kuch zayda interested nahi tha. Phir tumse mila ussi shaam phone karke haan keh diya treatment ke liye… in fact har baar tumse milta, har mulaqat ke saath tum uski zindigi ka hisha banti, uss mein utna hi jeene ki chah bardti. Aur phir usne tumse shaadi karli Shyam ki wajah se, issliye nahi kyunki usse tum pe bharosa nahi tha… woh jaanta hai ki tum kabhi kisiko dhoka nahi dogi ek shaadisudha aadmi se affair karke. Usne tumhe Shyam se bachane ke liye tumse shaadi ki, kyunki tumse bahut pyaar karta tha. Par woh tumhe yeh sab treatment ke positive results aane se phele nahi batana chahta tha issliye six months contract marriage ka jhoot bola tumhe. Aur uss shaam Arnie kitna khush tha… bahut khush ki test results aaye the ki treatment kaam kar raha hai aur khabar aayi ki uske dad ka naam bhi clear hogaya hai. Woh tumhe sab kuch batane wala tha uss din… woh tumhe aapni bimari ke baare mein baata aur yeh ki woh usse lardh raha hai taki tumhare saath humesha rah sake… Woh tumhe batane wala tha ki woh tumse kitna pyaar karta hai, tumpe bharosha karta hai… Tum uski jaan thi Khushi, uski jeene ki wajah par jab ghar aaya tum sabne uss pe ilaazm laga diya aur usse kuch kehne ka moka hi nahii diya, kisne bhi uss pe bharosa nahi kiya aur yahi baat thi jisne usse tor diya tha. Woh chala gaya kyunki yehi sab chahte the aur hum England shift hogaye jaha usne aapne zindigi ka akhri saal guzara aur February 15, 2013 ko aadhi raat ke baad uski maut ho gai.” and Khushi cried hearing all this as she continued, “Tumhe pata hai jab uss raat woh mere darwaze pe kharda tha apna bag leke woh ek dam toot gaya tha… itna toota maine Arnie ko kabhi nahi dekha. Usne kaha ki usse ab aur treatment continue nahi karna, ki ab uske pass lardhne ki koi wahaj nahi hai… koi wajah nahi hai jeene ke liye aur first one-n-half months we were in India before we left for England, he was miserable. Phir England mein settle hue aur cheeze dono achi aur kharab hone lagi, Arnie ke tumour ki wajah se usse amnesia hogaya aur dheere dheere woh apni zindigi bhoolne laga tha… uske zindigi mein jo log the aur khud ko bhi. 04 months mein hi woh sab kuch bhool gaya aur humne notes aur photos aur flashcards banaye usse cheeze yaad karne mein help karne ke liye par ek cheez woh kabhi nahi bhoola woh tha tumhara chehra… Woh kabhi nahi bhoola ki woh apni Piyu se sabse zayda pyaar karta hai, tum ek cheez thi jisne usse sambhal ke raka uss sab kuch mein. Aur mujhe tum pe kitna gussa aata, tumse nafrat hoti uss sabke liye jo tumne Arnie ke saath kiya… mujhe lagta ki tum uske pyaar ke layak hi nahi ho par sirf ek tum hi thi uske pass…” wiping her tears while Khushi sobbed, her heart-breaking with each word. (Arnie’s brain tumour was detected a month before he met you in Lucknow and that time, he was not that much willing for the treatment. Then the evening he met you, he called and gave green signal to go ahead with the treatment… in fact with every encounter with you, the more you became part of his life, the more he wanted to live. And then me married you because of Shyam, not because he didn’t trust you… he knows you would never cheat someone by having affair with married man, he married you to protect you from Shyam’s advances… because he loved you. But he didn’t want to tell you that before he got positive results about the treatment which was why he made up that six months contract marriage thing. And that evening, Arnie was so happy… so happy when he got the test results that the treatment was working along with the news of his father’s name being cleared. He was going to tell you everything that day… he was going to tell you about his disease and that he is fighting against it so that he can be with you forever… He was going to tell you how much he loved you, trusted you… You were his life Khushi, his reason to live but when he came home you all accused him and never gave him chance to explain himself, not a single person trusted him and that was what broke him. He left because that was what everyone wanted and we moved to England where he spent the last year of his life before he passed away on February 15, 2013 just after midnight. You know when he came to my doorstep that night with his bag, he was broken… so broken, I haven’t seen Arnie like that ever. He said he didn’t want to continue treatment anymore as he has no reason to fight… nothing to live for and first one-n-half months we were in India before we left for England, he was miserable. Then when we settled in England things started getting better and worse, Arnie’s tumour was causing him amnesia and he was slowly forgetting his life… the people in his life and himself. Within 04 months he had forgotten everything and we had to make notes and photos and flashcards for helping him remember but the only thing he never forgot was your face Khushi… he never forgot that he loved his Piyu the most, you were the only thing keeping him sane though all that. And I used to be so angry at you, hated you for what you had done to Arnie… for me you never deserved his love but you were all he had…)   

The others were also crying and feeling guilty for not trusting their Chotte but they couldn’t for ask forgiveness from him anymore. Anjali asked in between her sobs: “But… but why haven’t anyone informed us about our Cho-- Chotte…?” not being able to say, why weren’t they informed about this earlier.






Sonakshi looked up angrily at them: “Aapka Chotte… How dare you itna sab kuch usse suna ne ke baad, usse iss tarah todne ke baad ab bhi yeh pooch rahi ho ki inform kyun nahi kiya aap logo…?! Woh kuch nahi lagta tha aap jaise kudhgarz logo ka jinhone usse apni zindigi se nikal diya jaise kal ka kachra ho kyunki ab aapko uski koi aur zaroorat nahi thi, uss sab ke baad bhi jo usne aap logo ke liya zindigi bhar! In paach saalo mein kabhi yaad kiya usse siwaye badua aur kosne ke, nahi na toh aap log kis haq se rishta bana rahe hai…?! Koi rishta nahi tha aap logo ka usse, Arnie sirf mera Bhai tha, Aman ka sabse acha dost aur Khushi ka pati…lekin aap logo se uska koi rishta nahi tha siwaye matlab ka!” eyes burning with righteous rage and hatred for these people, her Arnie’s so-called family. (Your Chotte… How dare you after everything you said to him, broke him like that and still ask about not getting informed…?! He was nothing to you ungrateful people, who tossed him out of their lives like yesterday’s garbage when you had no need for him, even after everything he did for you! In these five years ever thought about him except for abusing and badmouthing about him, no right then what gives you the right to calm relationship with him now…?! You people had no relation with him, Arnie was my brother only, Aman’s best friend and Khushi’s husband… the only relation you people had with him was of selfishness!)

NK angrily said: “How dare you talk to us like that… that too in standing in our house…?!” clutching his fist. 







Sonakshi looked at NK with blazing eyes, getting up from her place and before anyone could understand she slapped him hard. As NK turned to her angrily but before another word, she slapped him hard again. She said: “Main yeh uss raat se karna chahti thi jab tumne Arnie ki zindigi barbaad kar di… Khushi ki zindigi barbaad kar di…” and slapped him again, “Manthara ban ke bahut kan bhare sabke Arnie ke against, just for you own selfish reasons, you bastard!” slapping him hard again. She panted hard while NK could only stand there holding his aching cheek and she spoke, “Ab toh bahut khush hoge, very satisfied ki ab Arnav kabhi wapas nahi aayega aur sabko sach batayega ki kaise tumne sabko manipulate kiya… kaise tumne Khushi ko manipulate tumse shaadi karne ke liye… Ab toh guarantee hai ki Arnav kabhi wapas nahi aayega Khushi ke liye. But guess what, main ab bhi sabko bataungi ki tumne kya kiya tha…” giving him such look of hate that if eyes could burn then he would have been turned into ashes by now. (I had wanted to do this ever since that night for destroying Arnie’s life… for destroying Khushi’s life… Like Manthara you filled everyone’s ears with your lies just for you own selfish reasons, you bastard! You must be feeling very happy now, very satisfied that Arnav is never going to come back and tell the whole truth to everyone about how you manipulated them… how you manipulated Khushi into marrying you… Now it is guaranteed that Arnav is never coming back for Khushi. But guess what, I am going to tell everyone about what you did…)

Payal confused and could hardly believe what all was being revealed, she felt like she was trapped in a bizarre dream. She asked feebly: “What are you saying Sonakshiji…? What did Nanheji do to manipulate…?” which everyone wanted to ask.







Aman replied: “Jo pictures NK ne aap logo ko dekhaye woh jis restaurant mein liya tha waha main bhi tha aur usse bahut ache se pata tha ki ASR aur Sonakshi ke beech kuch nahi hai kyunki woh pictures mere Sona ko propose karne ke baad ke the. Toh agar woh pictures lene ke time pe tha toh iss ka matlab usne mujhe propose karte hue bhi dekha tha par phir bhi pictures aise kheeche ki aisa lage ki ASR aur Sona couples ho when it was only hugs for congratulations aur Sona apna ring ASR ko dekha rahi thi. Usne sabko ek kahaani suna di bana ke ASR ka affair hai aur sabko uske against kar diya taki ASR aur Khushiji ki shaadi tor sake.” as he glared at the man responsible for the whole mess. (Those pictures NK showed to you was taken in the restaurant where even I was present and he knew well enough that there was nothing going on between ASR and Sonakshi because those pictures were after I proposed her. So, if he was there to take the pictures then he was present when I had proposed Sona but still took the photos so it would seem like ASR and Sona were couple when actually it was a congratulation hug and Sona was showing ASR her ring. He made up a story about ASR having affair and turned everyone against him just so he could break ASR and Khushiji’s marriage.)

Everyone was shocked by this revelation and Khushi feebly questioned: “Kyun…? Kyun aisa karenge woh…?” looking at NK in disbelieve. (Why…? Why would he do that…?)





Sonakshi said sarcastically: “Should I tell or you will…?” but as he stood mum, she continued, “Because he loves you… because he wanted to marry you and for that Arnie had to be out of the way, isn’t that right…?” giving him a taunting look.






NK felt all eyes at him waiting for answer and finally he slumped replying: “Yes I love Khushiji and that was why I did what I did that evening but trust me it wasn’t my intention to hurt Arnav.” looking ashamed.







Sonakshi retorted with sharp tongue: “Tumhe kya laga tha ki woh kya karega, ladoo peda batega yeh jaan ke ki uska cousin uski shaadi todna chahta aur woh bhi iss liye taki uski Biwi se shaadi kar sake!” resisting the urge to slap him again. (Then what did you expect that he would be distributing ladoo-peda that his cousin is destroying his marriage so that he can marry his wife!)







NK looked away as he spoke: “During Akash’s wedding Khushiji was reciprocating my flirting… we were perfect match as fun-loving people. But on the wedding day he came marrying Khushiji and then said they loved each other… I had to see their love and romance in front of my eyes and could only feel jealous of him. He didn’t deserve Khushiji after the number of times he had hurt her and then I had noticed a tension between them from last few days and that evening at restaurant seeing him with you and Aman was a coincidence. Later it gave me the perfect opportunity to click those pictures and fabricate a story, everyone was easy to convince and I had thought Khushiji might be hard… But that day she was already so upset and insecure that it was easy to convince her, to manipulate her and then the family also turned even more against him when she brought up the contract marriage. I realized I was doing right and everyone had jumped on him angrily and he too didn’t say anything making things easier… But I never wanted to hurt him or Khushiji… I had thought that he can get any other girl he would want; I didn’t realize that he’ll leave like that… I don’t know what had happened to me that day.” not able to look at anyone as he confessed his selfish deed.  

Sonakshi angrily said: “Toh tumhe yeh khayal nahi aaya ki tumhe bhi toh koi aur lardki mil sakti hai… ki tum ek pati ko uski patni se alag kar rahe ho…” then roughly grabbed his face and made him look at crying Khushi sitting on sofa who at the moment seemed to be dying, “Dekho kya haal kar diya hai uss lardki ka jise pyaar karne ka dawa karte ho… Tumne uski zindigi se saare rang cheen liye, usse zindigi bhar ke aansu diye and I hope ki tum ab khush ho… yeh ab kuch nahi siwaye tumare jooth aur laalach ne jo barbaadi ki thi uske nishaani ke elawa.” and didn’t let him avert his eyes as she showed him the mirror. Then turned to other family members to give them a good tongue lashing, “Aur aap logo jaise itne khudgarz log maine apni puri zindigi mein nahi dekhe… Aap log layak hi nahi the ki Arnie aapke zindigi ka heesa ho aur aisa kya kiya tha usne aap sabko ki uska baadla aise liye aap logo ne. I can understand that Khushi ko ek pal ki galatfami ho sakti hai apne insecurities ki wajah se par aap logo ka kam yogdaan nahi tha uss mein, I mean woh kaise apne pati pe bharosa rakhti agar uske pati ka parivaar hi uske pati par yakeen nahi karte… Aap logo ne kitni asani se Arnie ko galat maan liya, jab usne siwaye aap logo ke bhale ke elawa kuch aur nahi socha kabhi, apne baare mein bhi nahi. Kya aap logo ko uski rati bhar bhi parwah thi…? Kabhi socha ki woh bhi insaan hai, ki usse bhi mahsoos hota hai ya sirf paise bane ka machine tha aap logo ke liye, free ka naukar aap sabki zindigi aasan karne ke liye…?” her words as cutting as her tone was, merciless and brutal on them. (Then didn’t you realize that you can get any other girl too… that you were separating a husband from his wife… This is what you have reduced the woman you supposedly love… You have taken all colours out of her life, given her a lifetime of tears and I hope you are happy to see this… you have reduced her to merely broken reminder of the destruction caused by your selfishness and lies. And you all are the most ungrateful people I have ever met in my life… You all didn’t deserve Arnie in your lives and what had he ever done to you all that you took revenge from him like that. I can understand that Khushi could have momentary lapse of judgment in her insecurities but you people too contributed in that I mean how can she maintain her faith when her husband’s family didn’t trust him… You people believed worst about Arnie so easily, when he only ever did best for you without caring about himself. Did you people ever care about him…? Ever thought that he was also human made of flesh and blood, had feelings or was he only money-making machine to you all, free slave to make your lives easy…?)

Anjali cried at the harsh words: “Yeh aap kya bol rahi hai Sonakshiji… aap aisa kaise bol sakti hai…?” the cutting words were making her feel worse than she already felt. (What are you saying Sonakshiji… how can you…?)

Akash too protested: “Bilkul hume sab ko Bhai ki fikar thi… aap aisa kaise keh rahti hai…?!” feeling offended by those words. (Of course, we cared about Bhai… how can you say that?!)








Sonakshi replied: “Kya khud ko yeh kehte ho taki raat ko chain se so sako…? Kyunki itne saalo se jabse Arnie ko jaana hai kabhi laga nahi ki uski family ko uski kuch zayda parwa hai aur main usse high school ke dino se jaanti hoon. Kya aap logo ko uske bure sapno ke baare mein pata tha…? His struggles…? Uske failures…? Kabhi rone ke liye ek kandha diya…? Kya uske doston ke baare mein jaante the…? Uski zindigi mein kya chal raha tha…? Kabhi kam se kam itna poocha ki woh sach mein theek hai ya uska din kaisa tha…? Main jawab doon, nahi… aap logo ne kabhi nahi poocha. Woh bimar tha aur aap mein se kisi ek ko bhi nahi pata tha aur yeh baat HP, OP aur JP ko pata tha...  House-helping staff ko aapse zayda pata hai, how sad is that. Aap log sirf aapne problems aur demands leke jate the uske pass jo woh pure karta, aap log usse na family maante aur na hi insaan… Woh sirf paise banana ki machine tha, woh jo aap logo ki zindigi ko asan banata aur aapke free ka naukar jo aapke saare nakhre uthata. Agar family hota toh uss pe bharosa karte, agar family hota toh usse samjhane ka ek moka dete, agar family hota toh itni aasani se apni zindigi se nahi nikal sake hote… Aap log sirf khudgarz ho jo Arnie ke layak kabhi the hi nahi!” feeling satisfied about giving the lashing she always wanted to all these years, she had taken out all her rage and given them good for everything they did to her best friend. (Is that what you all say to yourself to sleep at night…? Because I never in all these years known Arnie have felt like his family cared about him and I knew him from high school days. Did you guys know about his nightmares…? His struggles…? His failures…? Given him a shoulder to cry…? Did you know about his friends…? What was happening in his life…? At least asked him about how he truly was or about his day ever…? I tell you the answer, it is no… no you people never did that. He was sick and none you people ever realized and HP, OP and JP knew about it... House-helping staff knew more than you people, how sad is that. You people only went to him with your problems to solved and demands to be fulfilled, you people never considered him family or even a human…he was just the money-making machine, the one to make your lives easier and free slave to fulfill your whims and fancy. If he was family then you would have trusted him, if he was family then you would have given him chance to explain, if he had been family then you wouldn’t have thrown him out of your lives so easily… You all are a bunch of ungrateful people who never deserved a person like Arnie in your lives in the first place!)

The Raizada residents could only stand there with their heads bowed they had no answer for her questions, truly they had been so ungrateful to Arnav who had done so much for everyone. They all had been so busy in their own lives and things that they never actually took a moment to ask the man who did so much for them that if he was alright or not. While NK couldn’t look at his wife anymore, finally the truth he had been denying all these years was in his face, he had thought that with time she’ll fall in love with him. But that never happened and he has successfully turned her into remainder of his lies and selfishness, there wasn’t any life or happiness or colour in her life anymore and he did that to her… he also had taken Arnav’s only reason to live from him. NK realized he gravity of the situation that he had successfully destroyed two lives for nothing except his selfishness. 




Khushi didn’t have the energy to accuse or be angry at someone, she could only cry at her fate… at the loss of her Arnav. She had been a fool to have caught in that NK’s words when she was vulnerable and letting her insecurities get better of her… maybe she wouldn’t be here now. But she can’t put all blame on NK either, she had known better than to just believe a third person and creating a scene rather than having a rational conversation with her husband. So really, she isn’t that blameless and now she has to live with her punishment until Devi Maiyya decides that she had paid enough and reunite her with her Arnav. She sat there wiping her tears as she sobbed while his face constantly flashed before her eyes and she could hear every time he told her how much he loved her… how she was the reason of his existence… how could she have forgotten these and accused him, hurt and broke him life that.

Tere jaane ka gam
Aur na aane ka gam
Phir zamaane ka gam
Kya karein?
























----FLASHBACK ENDS----





















Khushi’s thoughts broke as the car stopped in front of a cottage and she got down along with Sonakshi who was carrying a sleeping little Arnav and Aman went around to get her bag. She saw the name of the cottage written outside the gate on a wooden plate ‘Bonheur Cottage’. 









Sonakshi notes her looking at the name-plate, asks: “You know the meaning of Bonheur…?” carefully shifting her son to hold him properly. Khushi glances at her and shaking head in no, and she tells her, “Bonheur means happiness in French, Arnie brought this cottage for you after you both got married as a wedding present for you. He was going to tell you about it, he planned that maybe you both would come to England for his treatment and stay here in this house… he had so many plans of doing things with you and spending time with you without family interruptions, since he always complained about having no privacy in RM with so many people around. But his plans and dreams remained just that… he stayed the last year of his life in this house alone, surrounding himself with your memories only. No matter what we said he wouldn’t come to stay with us, in the end we gave up and let him be, but made sure either we came here or called him to Rajput House to spend time with us.” signing sadly whenever she talks about her friend. 

Khushi looked away to brush of a tear hearing that, just how much did the man love her when she hardly deserved any of his love or devotion for her. Aman brought her luggage and they went up the door and he unlocked, put her suitcase inside and said: “I won’t insist that you stay with us at our house since I know you will deny Khushiji, but meals all at our home and I know Sona will insist too if you say no. This house is fully furnished and I don’t think you would have any problem considering ASR lived here alone when he was unwell, so there shouldn’t be any trouble for you to staying few days here. And we are just next-door neighbours, even backyard has a common gate connecting both houses, if you want anything just call us or come over any time.” his tone made clear that these were non-negotiable.











She nodded giving a barely-there smile and the Rajput family left her to alone to settle and space to explore as they knew that being this house would surely bring out the most vulnerable part of hers which she defiantly wouldn’t want anyone to watch. 

















.....



















BONHEUR COTTAGE, ENGLAND – 08:30 P.M.

ARNAV'S COTTAGE

Raah dekhe nazar
Raat bhar jaag kar
Par teri to khabar na mile
















Khushi was looking around the house and she had lost the count of since how many hours she was crying over everything in the house. This cottage was filled with the very essence of Arnav, every corner was filled with her and their memories and every nook had his presence embedded here. She had looked at all the photographs and painting he had of her and them, framed or otherwise here and looking through the sketches he had made where she had found one of her being pregnant and he had an ear on her belly to hear the baby movement, she had cried holding that for more than an hour.  













And now she was going over the things he had of hers, she had found her shaadi ka joda and jewelleries which she had known to belong to Ratna. She found a little wooden box on the dressing table containing pearls which she remembers to be hers broken from her dori, torn piece of her dupatta that she had tied on his hand once, an earring that she remembers she wore on Jiji’s sangeet, one glass star that she hung around her bed in GH, broken piece of her bangles, her clip, her mangalsutra that she had given him back… every little thing of hers was kept by him as treasures. Then she found on the bed on his side a dupatta of her along with her lost anklet beside his pillow and she wept holding them all over again, feeling so lost and how could she have never realized the depth of his love for her. Looking at the anklet she remembers that evening on the poolside where they had shared their first kiss and the turning point in their relationship…













Bahot aayi gayi yaadein
Magar iss baar tum hi aana




  












----FLASHBACK----






















TWO MONTHS AFTER ARNAV-KHUSHI’S MARRIAGE



RAIZADA MANSION, DELHI – 08:37 P.M.












Arnav had come home early today evening and was sitting at the poolside working on his laptop with files scattered on the table as the weather was pleasant this evening, so instead of being inside, he sat working out in his garden. He had already noticed his wife doing something inside their room but hadn’t bothered much knowing it was her usual crazy antics. Then 15 mins has passed and more then 08:30 P.M and she still hasn’t run off to watch whatever daily soap she watches along with Mami along with other ladies of his family. 









Then Khushi stepped in the poolside and seems like she was searching for something, so he asked: “What are you looking for Biwi…?” curiosity getting better of him.





She distractedly replied: “Woh humara kuch kho gaya hai…” as she looked in-between pots and plants. (I lost something of mine…)





He rolls his eyes at her saying: “How very informative… I know you lost something that is why you are searching for it; now tell me what exactly are you looking for…?” raising a brow at her.







She looks up at him irritated, said: “Arnav mazak maat kijiye, hum sach mein phele se hi bahut pareshaan hai ki woh hume mil nahi raha.” pouting at her husband. (Arnav don’t joke now; I am already very tensed here.)






Arnav turned towards her, giving her full attention and asked: “Haan toh isliye tumse pooch raha hoon, kya dhoond rahe ho tum…? Tell me and main bhi tumhari help karta hoon dhoodhne mein jo bhi hai itna important ki tum apna favourite serial miss kar rahi ho…” as he got up from his place to walk up to her. (Yes, exactly why am asking you, what are you looking for…? Tell me and I’ll also help you in searching whatever is so important that you are missing your favourite show for it…)







Khushi looks at him doubtfully: “You want to help me…?” as he nodded and she asked further, “And your office work…?” pointing towards his laptop and files on the table.







He simply brushed it off saying: “Few minutes wouldn’t cause my business to fall apart and turn into dust, ab itna suspense maat karo and tell me what are you looking for…?” asked again in hopes that this time he’ll get a proper reply.









She shrugged and replied: “Humari payal… phir se kho gai, pata nahi kaha aur kab aur hum poore ghar mein dhoond chuke hai lekin kahi nahi mili. Aap help kaorge dhoondne mein Arnav…?” sadly, she could very much use help now in her search mission. (My anklet… I lost it again, I don’t know when or where and I have searched the whole house looking for it but can’t find anywhere. Will you help me find it Arnav…?)









He looked at her amused, said: “Bas itni si baat…” then held her hand and pulled her and made her sit on one of the chairs despite her protests and then kneeled in front of her making her shut up, as he talked, “You know right that you are a unique piece, tumhari payal kho gai aur tumhe pata bhi nahi chala, ajeeb ho tum…” shook his head smiling to himself looking at their joined hands, so she wouldn’t see.  (You know right that you are a unique piece, you lost your anklet and you didn’t even realize it, weird you are…)








She pouted saying: “You are such a Laad Governor, this was why I wasn’t telling you and instead of helping me, you are making fun--” but as he started taking her feet in his lap, “Arre what are you doing, leave my feet…” trying to pull her feet out of his grasp.

But he held it firmly till she gave and sat quietly staring at him, he softly held her feet and placed on his knee and pushed her red saree to reveal her empty ankle. He spoke: “Mujhe tumhari payal do din phele mili poolside pe aur main intezaar hi kar raha tha ki tumhe pata kab chalta hai.” as he took out her anklet putting it himself on her feet, continued, “Tumhari payal na bahut badmaash hai jab dekho tumhare pav chor kar maare pass chali aate hai.” as he firmly clasped it, “Ek tarah se dekha jaaye toh sahi hai…” when she gave him a puzzled look, “…ab tumhare pav mein ek saath do cheeze toh ho nahi sakti hai na...” smirking at her devilishly. (I found your anklet two days ago in poolside and I was waiting when you were going to notice. Your anklet is very naughty it always escapes your feet and comes to me. And from one side it is only right… now there can’t be two things together on your ankle right…)

Khushi frowned at him, asking: “Do cheeze… humare pav mein do cheeze kaha hai…?” looking down at her ankle to see the supposedly other thing tied to her ankle. (Two things… Where did you see two things on my ankle…?)  








Arnav smiles at her when she looked up at him, replied: “Haan do cheeze… tumhare ek pav mein tumhari payal hai aur dusre pav mein toh main bandha hoon na. Aur tumhari payal ko bhi yeh pata hai, isilye tumhare pav choor kar mere pass aa jate hai kyunki main toh tumhe choor kar kahi jaunge nahi… Kyun sahi kaha na maine, Piyu…” looking at her so lovingly while she shies due his words, turning red. (Yes, two things… on your one ankle is your anklet and I am tied to your other ankle. And your anklet also knows this, that is why they leave your ankle and come to me because I’ll never leave you… Am I not right, Piyu…) 




He couldn’t resist seeing her in his favourite colour saree and blushing so prettily while her rose petal like lips trembled and her eyes looking at him with so much love and desire, just like the Diwali night… there is only so much a man can take and he had to taste her. So, without any other thought he bends towards her, capturing her lips in his and she held onto his shoulder to take all of his loving assault. The kiss was full of passion and desire burning in high flames as none of them back off from expressing their feelings, resulting in explosion between them. And what felt like ages after, did they part panting and stared at each other in eyes, not an ouch of shame or shyness between them.

He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear said: “Phir se laal ho gai bilkul tumhare saree aur gal ki tarah, Piyu…” as he tweaked her nose and instead of shying, his Piyu turned bold by pulling him by his jacket for another kiss. (Again, it turned red like your saree and cheeks, Piyu…) 











That evening Arnav and Khushi had spent an unusually uninterrupted evening with kissing each other which had led to making love to each other. That night they both had given in to their love and to each other, completing their marriage in true sense as Arnav had made her his Piyu in every sense as much as he had named himself to hers. After that evening their married life was actually turned quite blissful with Arnav being the dotting husband, he was fulfilling her every whim and fancy before she could say them and Khushi being the loving wife who was always concerned about her husband’s health. That doesn’t mean that their pranks and counter-pranks have ended, those were still very much on but now they were more of teasing each other rather than to angry or annoying.



















Iraade fir se jaane ke nahi laana
Tum hi aana

















----FLASHBACK ENDS----






















Khushi wiped her face of tears as her sobs subsidized as she sniffed and picked up the diary she found lying on the bed with her dupatta and opened it as an envelope fell on her lap. She picked it up and turned around to see written on it ‘To my Piyu’, in Arnav’s neat cursive handwriting, she carefully opened it and took out the letter and starts reading it…

To my Piyu,



If you are reading this letter then it means that I am not alive and you are in our house in England, so tell me did you like the house…? I know I brought this for you but I don’t remember when or on what occasion, I hope you like it as much as I did… doesn’t it have a cute cozy vibe to it. Come on now don’t be upset, I know you are and wipe your tears, you know I can take everything but not your tears… never your tears.



Piyu, I’ll be honest with you that I don’t remember about why we got separated and I never asked Sona or Aman about it, I don’t want to remember bitter things between us in these how many days I have. I remember all our happy moments and our love which was enough for me, I died happy and peacefully. Now please stop feeling guilty about me and all, I know you do and I don’t want your guilt or sorry… I just want your love, that is all ever wanted.



You know Sona tells me that I didn’t believe in God or the divine like I do now… pata hai what I say to her, I told her that how can I not believe in God when he had brought my Piyu in my life. I had a thought when I was reading the Ramayana to Supriya Auntie, I felt had this epiphany that no matter what we are or what we do, we can’t run from our destiny. Take Ram and Sita, they both had loved each other so much and faced so many hurdles together, but for most part of their life they could never stay with each other, something or the other had always separated them. After so many precautions taken still Ravana had taken her because the battle was destined to happen, then after overcoming all those hurdles they returned to their nation but one man’s words made Ram to send his wife to forest. It was not he distrusted her or questioned her purity or love, it was destiny that they couldn’t escape and then Sita proved her purity by giving agnipariksha but she had asked the earth to take her… again they separated because it was destiny and even they couldn’t escape the cruel mistress that destiny is despite being gods. But in all of this one thing remained constant and that was their love for each other, even when they weren’t together.



What I meant to say is that I don’t remember what happened that made me leave you but whatever it was, it wasn’t your fault… it was our destiny and meant to happen like that. So, don’t feel guilty and waste your life, I want you to live and be happy because as long as you are happy, I am happy too. And always remember that I love you, no matter what or if everyone hates you or even you hate yourself but I can never… I would still be there loving you. 



Until it is time for us to meet again, take care of yourself and be happy…



With love yours forever,
Arnav
















She wept silently reading his letter and how could she make him understand that she couldn’t be happy without him, that even if she is breathing but doesn’t feel alive anymore. Her thoughts were broken by a movement and she quickly wiped her tears to see Sonakshi entering as she said: “I didn’t hear you coming, aap aaye kab Sonakshiji…?”





Sonakshi sat on the beside her and saw the things scattered around, replied: “Just now and since I had spare keys, I let myself in and I hope you don’t mind that… so what were you doing…?” she asked.





Khushi replied: “Arnav ki sari cheeze dekh rahe the, kagazo se lekar drawings aur paintings aur chitthiya aur tasveere jinhe dekh kar hum bas ro hi rahe hai. Sach kahe, hume nahi laga tha ki humare pass aur aasun bache hai rone ke liye yeh dekh kar ki peechle maheene se itne aasun bahaye par humne khud ko galat sabit kar diya… Yaha sab kuch dekh kar sirf rona hi aa raha hai aur aansu baha rahe hai apni bewakoofi par.” feeling like she’ll cry again. (Going through everything Arnav had from paper to drawing and paintings to letters and photos then crying all over them. Honestly, I had thought that I didn’t have any more tears left to cry seeing how much I shed them last month but I proved myself wrong… Everything here is only making me cry and could only weep at my foolishness.)  




Sonakshi doesn’t comment on that instead says: “Do you wonder about why I am not angry at you anymore…? Because it is no hidden fact that I was furious with you once like I am with rest of your family…” looking at her tilting her head sideways a little. 






She nods answering: “Yes I did think what made you change your mind even if you had made Arnav promise, I still thought that you’ll be giving me cold shoulder and not comfort me or give a shoulder to cry on. So, what changed in this time…?” curious now that the topic was vouched.






Sonakshi signed replying: “Kyunki tumse milne aur tumhe dekhne ke baad mujhe ehsaas hua ki Arnie ki maut ki khabar se zayda bura main tumhe kabhi kuch de nahi sakti aur uss khabar ne jis tarah tor diya… ki tumhe usse ek akhri baar dekhna tak naseeb nahi hua. Main tumse nafrat nahi kar sakti kyunki tum Arnie ka heesa ho… ek bahut bara aur zaroori heesa, tumse nafrat karne ka matlab hoga usse nafrat karna. Toh main tumhe woh keh rahi hoon jo kabhi socha nahi tumse kahungi par phir bhi… Khushi aage bardho apne, jeeo apni zindigi kyunki Arnie bhi yahi chahta tha aur ab toh tumhara bacha bhi aane wala hai paach maheeno mein, shayad tum iss bache ke liye  jee sakti ho... khush raho apne iss bache ke liye." clasping her hand to Khushi’s hands. (Because after I met you and saw you, I realized that I could never dish you anything worse than delivering the death news of Arnie and what it that did to you… ki tumhe usse ek akhri baar dekhna tak naseeb nahi hua. I could never hate you because you were part of Arnie… a very major and vital part of him, hating you would mean hating him. So, I tell you this and something I never thought that I’ll say to you but anyways… Khushi move on, live your life because Arnie would have wanted you to and now you have a baby coming in five months, maybe you can try to live for the baby… be happy for this baby of yours.)

Khushi stares at their hands for few moments and then says: “Jeete woh log hai jo zinda hote hai par hum toh unke akhri saans ke saath hi maar gaye the uss din, ab jo hai aapke samne woh sirf kimat hai jo hum apni galti ki chuka rahe hai. Kahte hai ki hume humari karmo ki saza iss janam mein milti hai aur humari saza unke bina jeene ki hai... umeed hai ki yeh saza kafi hogi taki marne ke baad ya agle janam woh hume phir mile aur tab hum unhe humse door kabhi nahi jaane denge, Sonakshiji. Yeh bacha, sabko bahut umeed hai ki yeh bacha hume jeene ki umeed dega ya kuch vasa hi par sach kahe yeh bacha sirf humare farz ka heesa hai… humse yeh expect kiya jata hai ki hum Nanheji ko ek bacha de aur unhe bhi yeh bacha chahiye, toh hum pregnant hai. Yeh na woh surrogate mother hone jaisa hai, jo bache ko nau maheene apne khok mein karti hai, phir unhe dusre ko de deti hai taki kisi aur ko khushi mile, hum bhi wahi kar rahe hai… Hume iss bache se kabhi koi lagav nahi hoga jaise dursi maa-o ko hota hai kyunki yeh bacha bhi humesha yehi yaad dilayega jo humne khoya hai… jo hume kabhi nahi mil sakta jise humne sirf humari bewakoofi ki wajah se khoya.” giving a sad pained smile. (Living is for those people who are alive but I died along his last breath the day with him, now what remains in front of you is just the price that I am paying for doing wrong to him. They say we pay for our sins in this life only and my punishment us to live without him... hopefully this punishment would be enough for me so that at least in after death or in next life I can have him again and then I won’t let him ever go away from me, Sonakshiji. This baby, everyone seems to be having these expectations that this baby will give me reason to live or something but truly this baby is just another part of my duties… it is expected of me to give Nanheji a child and he wants a baby too, so I am pregnant. It is like being those surrogate mothers, who bears the child in their womb for nine months, then after giving birth to them, they give to another couple so they could be happy and that is what I am doing… I could never be attached to this baby like other mothers because this child will also remind me all that I had lost… that I can never have because of my stupid insecurities.)








Sonakshi asked: “And how long are you going to live like this… with this endless guilt and pain…? It will destroy you…” understanding her words but still concerned.








Khushi simply replies: “As long as Devi Maiyya decides that I have paid enough for my sins and finally takes me to my Arnav... until I can reunite with him again where I know he is waiting for me to come.” signed looking down at her anklet and letter clutched in her fist, these were what she had left now of his memories.

They spend 15 minutes sitting in silence before going to Rajput house next door for dinner and Khushi had spent full month staying in the cottage, surrounded by his memories. When she had went to back to India, she took photo albums, sketch book and diary of Arnav with her, something to keep her sane for the time being though she left behind her one anklet... she could never wear the other pair ever, just like Arnav wasn’t coming back to her again.























.....




















AUGUST 30, 2018 



AIMS HOSPITAL, DELHI – 07:00 P.M.











The full Raizada and Gupta family were gathered in the hospital room as NK proudly presented his new-born daughter while they all coo-ed over her suitably and were happy. Khushi sat on the hospital bed exhausted and tired from long hours of labour pain but she didn’t have the glow or smile of new-mother, instead was just watching everything passively. The family had congratulated her, hugged and kissed her and they didn’t miss her passiveness but they brushed it off as tiredness, with time her maternal instincts would wake up and this baby will bring her out of her shell.









After visiting hours finished the family left with only NK left who was cooing over the baby as he said: “Thank you so much Khushiji for this little bundle of joy, I can never express my gratitude giving me this precious bundle. Oh, look at her Khushiji, she is so cute just like you.” his eyes would never get tired of looking at his daughter’s face.








Khushi silently kept staring at him and the baby in his arms for few minutes and then asked: “Are you happy about the baby… with her arrival…?” tired and exhausted as she was, but sleep doesn’t come to her much these days.





NK smiled replying: “Of course I am happy, very happy with the arrival of my princess.” as he watched his baby with rapt attention.






She nodded, saying: “Good, at least one of her parents should be happy about her arrival.” making NK’s head to snap her face as she continued, “Though I think it would have been better for her to have another mother rather than me who could never love her like mothers love their children. But I think it is better to have one loving parent than no parents at all, so it is not all bad for her, yet.” added thoughtfully in the end.







He looked at her almost horrified at her thoughts, said: “What are you saying…? Aren’t you happy with our daughter’s birth…? Why are you talking like that…?” concerned about his wife’s thoughts.








She quizzingly looks at him, observing and then replied: “Jo saach hai wahi kaha, it would have been better for her if she had someone else as her mother rather than me… someone like Lavanyaji…” and NK’s eyes widened in horror while she ignored his expression, continued speaking, “Ajeeb hai na ki aap humse pyaar karte the aur humse shaadi karne ke liye apne kya kuch nahi kiya… ab dekhiye humse aapki shaadi toh hogai. Lekin yeh shaadi humari saza hai Arnav ka dil todne ke liye aur aapke liye aapki galti ki yaad upar se aapko ab kisi aur se hogaya hai pyaar. Ab aapka pyaar aapke samane hai phir bhi aap uske pass ja nahi sakte humari wajah se aur humara pyaar humse itni door hai ki hum uss tak chah kar bhi poohuch nahi sakte aapki wajah se.” shaking her head at their ironic situation. Then leaning her head back, she closed her eyes, not wanting to say or hear anymore and exhaustion finally caught up, she fell in sleep. (I said what is true, it would have been better for her if she had someone else as her mother rather than me… someone like Lavanyaji…Weird isn’t it, you loved me and to marry me what all things you had to do… now we’re married. But this marriage is my punishment for breaking Arnav’s hear and to you it is remainder of your past mistakes and top of that you are now in love with someone else. Now your love is in front of you but you can’t be with her because of me and my love is so far away from me that I can’t reach him even if I want to because of you.)

NK stood there holding his new-born baby while his eyes stared at the woman he married, so true this marriage is now only a reminder of his selfishness and he couldn’t leave her, not after everything he did to her… so they both were cursed to be together in their unhappy matrimony for life. True that Khushi had been at fault for her momentary lapse of judgement but he was the catalyst for that… if he hadn’t taken those pictures, shown them to everyone with a manipulative story and exploited Khushi’s insecurities to fall for his words than nothing would have happened. Then Arnav would have been alive and healthy recovered from his brain tumour… Khushi and Arnav would have been living a happily married life with maybe one or two kids of their own but still being the romantic mushy couple that they were.










But now those were stuff of dreams and wishes that you would like to do if you could go back in time because the reality was harsh and irreversible. The reality is that he had played as catalyst which has caused Arnav and Khushi to be separated for this lifetime… that even though he has successfully married her like he had wanted but their was no happiness in both their lives... she was leading a life like a widow, stopped the pretense of even being his wife and that is how she is going to spend the rest of her life also. NK has not only snatched Arnav’s reason to live but also given Khushi pain of dying every moment with her every breath. There is nothing left in her anymore, she has just turned more unreachable and untouchable to them, the only time he had seen some spark of life or little interest in anything was when she had interactions with Aman and Sonakshi’s son, little Arnav. He had hopes that maybe this baby would initiate some spark of life in her seeing that the little interest she had shown was her interactions with little Arnav.

















---FLASHBACK---












FEBRUARY 22, 2018 



RAIZADA MANSION – 05:00 P.M.












Khushi was absent-mindedly passing the corridor as she was going the terrace to pick up the dry clothes when she heard an annoyed ‘What the!’ coming from poolside and she peeked to see who was there. The sight that greeted her just melted her heart and a light barely-there smile graced her lips, an expression which can only be seen around one person who was in front of her at the moment frowning cutely, the mini ASR.







Little ASR frowned annoyed, says: “What the! HP Uncle not like this… see I’ll show you…” as he took the little gardening shovel out of HP’s hand and lightly ploughed the soil in the flower pot, speaking cutely as he worked, “You do like this… little little so the plant doesn’t get hurt… you don’t know anything HP Uncle, I have to show you all…” as he carefully did the task of loosening the soil in the pot. Finished he smiled and turned towards him, “See you do like this…” than offered the little shovel to him, “Now you do the other pot like I did… I have to teach you everything…” with such exasperation that seemed funny on a 05 years old kid.  







HP took the shovel from him replying: “Aap jaise bolenge hum vase hi karenge Arnav Baba…” with a fond smile for the kid as he went to plough the soil in the next flower pot under the expert invigilation. (I will do as you say Arnav Baba…) 










It is been a week from the earth-shattering revelations had the Raizada family saddled with the burden of guilt and sad but the hardest to take everything on themselves was Khushi. It was like with the news of Arnav’s death she had also died… she breathed, she ate, did her daily routine but there was this lifeless look in her eyes, like she was beyond the reach of anyone anymore. That evening after crying on Sonakshi’s shoulder, Khushi had shifted to the guest room immediately as well as when she appeared at in night in front of them in white saree without sindoor or mangalsutra or bangles like a widow. She hadn’t said a word to anyone except the Aman, Sonakshi, little Arnav, Sashi or the Prakash brothers since that day and especially avoided being anywhere near NK.








NK was also guilt-ridden since that day, every time he looked at Khushi and only saw the destruction his actions had left behind but there wasn’t anything that he could do to redeem himself anymore. The whole family felt terrible for their actions towards Arnav but there was little to nothing that could be done about that, so they all had accepted that they will have to carry this guilt for rest of their lives. Also, an astonishing news was the Prakash brothers had known about Arnav’s demise all these years but haven’t a word to the family or anyone ever, which was their way of showing their anger. The news of Khushi’s pregnancy had brief joy but that also diminished seeing her state, they all have hopes that maybe this baby would bring a little hope and life back in her but as of now nothing of that sort has happened. 








For Khushi, she even stopped the pretense of being NK’s wife and even though she didn’t completely blame him as it was her fault to have fallen under his words in her moment of insecurities but that doesn’t mean she can bare his presence. Because ultimately NK had turned the family against Arnav, had intentionally spoiled her marriage and for those she couldn’t forgive him as much as she can’t forgive herself or the family for not trusting Arnav. On her request did the Rajput family decided to stay in RM for a month before she could also travel to England with them, she wants to visit the place he had lived the last year of his life. The brief moments of something that anyone witnessed in Khushi was when she was with Aman, Sonakshi and especially little Arnav, they are the only people who seemed to be able to reach her somewhat. Ah, little Arnav has been a surprise to everyone… that kid was literally a carbon copy of Arnav as Anjali would lament seeing the kid who looked just like her Chotte was when he was a child and caused mischief like him. The kid seemed to have started bossing around the other kids of the house, bonded most with Khushi and the Prakash brothers were very fond of their Arnav Baba who was equally fond of them. But little Arnav didn’t like the other Raizada members, especially NK for some reason who has also become frequent target to his numerous pranks until now.







Khushi stepped in the poolside, asked softly: “What is happening here…?” making the other two people take notice of her as she went besides them and carefully kneeled down. 






Little Arnav smiled adorable at her, replying: “I am teaching HP Uncle gardening… he doesn’t know anything…”






HP asked: “Khushi Bhabhi, aapko kuch kam tha…?” over the years he and his brothers’ anger have melted over her, seeing just how much she repented her actions and silently suffered due to Arnav’s absences. One of the reasons why they never said a word about Arnav’s demise was they didn’t want to snatch the little hope she seemed to be clinging on of seeing him again.






Khushi replied back: “Hum terrace pe ja rahe the sukhe kapdre uthne ke liye par yaha se awaze sunai di toh dekhne aagaye.” (I was going to the terrace to pick the dry clothes but came here to see what was going on here.)






HP said: “Aap rahne dijiye Bhabhi, main terrace pe ja raha hoon.” and got up to leave to pick the dry clothes. (You let it be Bhabhi, I’m going to the terrace.)






Her attention went to the little kid beside her, who called her asking: “Auntie is this your garden…? HP Uncle said that you took care of the plants, so it is your garden, right…?”






She replied, brushing his hair out of his eyes: “I take care of the garden but it is not mine… this is Arnav’s garden and since he isn’t here, I take care of it for him.” her voice trembled a little with the words but the kid didn’t notice, “So want to water the plants with me…?” asked standing up.






He smiled excitedly nodding a yes and then both of them together watered the plants while he excitedly told her all about his garden at home. Then he suddenly asked: “Can I ask you something, Piyu Auntie…?”







Khushi stopped watering as she looked at him, said: “My name isn’t Piyu, it is Khushi… who told you my name is Piyu…?”







Little Arnav looked at her, adorably confused answered: “I saw your photos in my Godfather’s video diaries and he said pointing to them that your name is Piyu... Did you know that my Mumma kept my name Arnav after him… He was also ASR and so cool! I want to be cool like him…” talking dozen and abstractly like all kids, said, “But you know, you smiled a lot in those photos and wore colourful dresses… Why do you wear only one anklet…? Why don’t you smile anymore or wear colourful dresses, Piyu Auntie…? You looked beautiful…”









She swallowed the lump as she replied: “Arnie, my name is Khushi and your Godfather called me Piyu, it was name only he called me with. And I wear only one anklet because you Godfather took my other anklet with him and now since he can't come back to return or make me wear the other anklet, I wear only one… when I see him again and he would return my anklet will I wear the other one, till then wear one anklet.” and felt as if her ears echoed with every time, He called her ‘Piyu’.








Little Arnie asked: “When will you meet him again…? And why did he call you Piyu…?” face scrunched adorably. 








She answered him: “I don’t know when I’ll meet him again but I know I will for sure see him because he is waiting for me. Piyu means beloved… the person you love and since he loved me so much, he called me Piyu. One day when you’ll be all grown up and find a special person for yourself, then she will be your Piyu.” ruffling his hair and asked to distract him from further questioning, “Now we finish watering these plants quickly and go inside, so we can have some jalebies… what say…?”

Little Arnie jumped happily screaming: “Jalebies!” as they both went back to watering the plants unaware of another person watching them.












NK had seen the interaction between them and seeing the little show of emotions from Khushi had made him hopeful, maybe this upcoming baby would be able to bring little hope in her life. Then not want them to know about him watching them, he turned around and silently left from there to go back to his room.














---FLASHBACK ENDS---

But seems like that isn’t happening, signing sadly. He is forever going to regret everything he did to Arnav and Khushi, watch her painful die every moment, she isn’t alive anymore and there is no chance to do any rectification anymore. And on top of that in all these years with Lavanya staying in RM had made them very close friends, she was his support with everything he was dealing in his marriage and in the process, he had fallen in love with her. He is also aware that she loves him too but like Khushiji said, he couldn’t leave her due to his responsibility towards her and so he had again successfully destroyed another life too… Lavanya’s life.













Meri dehleez se hokar
Bahaarein jab gujarti hai
Yahan kya dhup kya saawan
Hawayein bhi barashti hai













.....



















DECEMBER 15, 2018



RAIZADA MANSION, DELHI – 02:45 A.M.    







It was late at night and almost everyone was sleeping, Lavanya paced around the room making the baby burp and trying her to get to sleep while Khushi was sitting on the rocking chair in corner lost in her own world. She was constantly giving her friend concern looks, it wasn’t normal for a first-time new mother to not hover all over their new-born but here she was sitting quietly, not even bothering to look or ask about the baby. She knew something was wrong with her friend and it was getting serious now, it is not normal to be so detached to your 04 months old baby. So, she decided to talk to the family and take Khushi to a psychiatrist for consultation, first thing in the morning.



















.....   















NEXT MORNING



DR. SHILPA KARAN GROVER’S CABIN – 11:30 P.M.










Dr Shilpa signed as she sat down on her desk and looked at the other two women seated in front of her, one was the patient’s sister and other her best friend. She starts telling them: “I did all the evaluation tests and honestly the results I have are not very optimistic. Mrs. Raizada is suffering from major depression disorder which has gotten worse due to postpartum depression after the baby was born. Now I won’t say that she is suicidal or will harm the baby or anyone else but she doesn’t have any will to live, it is like she is breathing, eating, sleeping and doing regular activities in a mechanic way. And if this continues, she’ll have a mental breakdown and it will start affecting her physically too which I think has already started because you cannot have a healthy body if your mind is not healthy too.” clearly stating the seriousness of the situation.

Payal immediately burst into tears as she glanced at her sister sitting on a couch on the other side of the room looking lost in her own thoughts as she stared blankly out the window. Lavanya also glanced at her friend and turned to doctor, asking: “So what should we do now…?” concerned for her friend.







Shilpa signed replying: “Start her treatment, she needs therapy sessions though I won’t give her anti-depression medicines since she is breastfeeding. But therapy sessions have to be more frequent, make her involve more with interactions and take her out, keep her happy that is all we can do. But she needs to try herself too or else it is all of no use and from what I have examined is that she knows she is depressed… still she has no will to recover from it, uss mein phir jeene ki chah jagao. And this isn’t going to be easy and will require full family support and co-operation.”   








Payal wiped her tears and said: “Yes doctor, whatever you say and is required, we will do. After Arnavji left I had seen my sister fading slowly and it accelerated after marrying Nanheji and over the years she has turned into a shell of what she was. But last year after getting to know about Arnavji’s death, it was like she died too and after coming from England I haven’t seen her cry once. I had thought that maybe with the upcoming baby she was finally getting out of her grief but it seems like she is just sinking more and more into the darkness.” glancing back at her sister she added, “And I am scared that there is hardly any way left for us to pull her out from that darkness but still we will try.” feeling so concerned and lost about her sister’s state.

Shilpa gave them a small smile and glanced back at her patient, Mrs. Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada made a beautiful picture of melancholy and tragedy in her white saree and hair in bun with without any jewellery or make-up. It really required a miracle for Khushi to actually come out of her mind state. From her observation she could say that Khushi wouldn’t turn suicidal since she considers being alive is her punishment for breaking the man she loved. But she can’t live like this forever and even if she doesn’t committee suicide, she will have end up having a fatal nervous breakdown sooner or later.  

KHUSHI'S SAREE / LOOK

Unknown to all this conversation and concern about her, Khushi silently sat staring out of the window paying no heed to other occupants. She knows that she is depressed and her mind state is getting worse but she just couldn’t bring herself to care anymore, nothing mattered anymore because for her life ended when her Arnav breathed last, now she is only living her punishment. She closed her eyes as his smiling face flashed in front of her and then she felt a kiss on her forehead along with a soft brush on her cheek and opened her eyes. There he was sitting in front of her smiling with melting ice-blue eyes in white t-shirt and his face so close as he raised a brow at her teasingly while she kept staring at him without blinking. Who said she was alone, no she was never alone because he was always with her… Uska Arnav humesha uske saath hai chahe kisi aur ko woh dekhe ya na dekhe lekin woh har pal uske saath hai, akhir kar Arnav apni Piyu ko kabhi akele chor kar kahi ja hi nahi sakta. 

Hume puchhon kya hota hai
Bina dil ke jiye jaana
Bahot aayi gayi yaadein
Magar iss baar tum hi aana

Oh ooo…



















.....













APRIL 26, 2020 


OUTSKIRTS OF DELHI, HIGHWAY – 08:27 PM









They were returning from a weekend trip from Raizada farmhouse located at the outskirts of Delhi, with whole family. It was Payal and Akash’s second son, Samar’s fifth birthday on Saturday and it was decided to throw a party and spend weekend at the farmhouse which had been a good idea to have a mini family outing and time way from daily busy schedule. This brought the thought of how much the family has grown over the years with Shyam and Anjali’s eight years old daughter Shreya, Payal and Akash had two sons, seven years old Prem and five years old Samar while one-and-half year old Pari was NK and Khushi’s daughter though Lavanya has been more of a mother to her. So, at the moment NK and Lavanya with Khushi and baby Pari were travelling back to Shantivan in this car while the Akash and Payal were in one car with their kids and Mamaji and Mamiji. Shyam and Anjali were in another car with their daughter along with the Gupta family on the way to home. 





The other two cars were behind them and the road were traffic-jam free so it wasn’t taking them too long but the drive was 04 hours long back to the city and half-way though there wasn’t much talk and not a single word from Khushi yet as usual. She stared listlessly in the night outside the car window from in the backseat where she was seated, ignoring her blabbering 01-n-half years old daughter, Pari. NK was watching from the rear-view mirror as he drove and gave a heavy sign seeing that while Lavanya turned towards him from the passenger seat to look at him questioningly. He shook his head and turned his attention towards the road but Lavanya knew the cause and glanced backwards to see herself though she gave the happy baby smile despite her wariness towards her friend. 









Lavanya knew that Khushi hardly noticed anything and she knew it wasn’t her fault either but she truly didn’t understand how could she be unhappy when she has it all. Khushi had everything that Lavanya wanted, she always had which made her immensely jealous. First it was ASR, then she has NK as a loving husband and beautiful daughter like Pari but still Khushi wasn’t happy while Lavanya would give anything to be her place… to be NK’s wife and be Pari’s mother would be dream come true which shall remain dream only.  From what she could remember of last 02 years Khushi had stopped even the show of being NK’s wife, she looks more of ASR’s widow in white sarees, no mangalsutra or sindoor or any ornaments and she never even keeps any fasts that wives do for their husbands... than again Khushi had never done those for NK, she used to keep them for ASR’s welfare but after his death news stopped doing them altogether. NK and Khushi are married for namesake but their is nothing between them, hell they both stay in different room since that day when all hell had broken loose. 





She knew Khushi wasn’t the same after ASR left but learning about ASR’s death and the misjudge everyone had done to him, it seemed as if something inside her broke…like she died too and nothing seems to touch inside. It was the same day that they got to know about ASR’s death that Khushi had learned about her pregnancy and though everyone was remorseful about their actions towards ASR, nothing could be done about it except to move on carrying the guilt of on their shoulders. It was Khushi who carried the most and very hard upon which made everyone worried about her and all had hoped maybe the upcoming baby would help her to move on. But instead it seemed to be opposite, no Khushi never tried to harm the baby, herself or anyone and instead she just turned despondent as the days passed on. It is like she physically she was present but mentally she is at some place no one can seem to reach her, not the family or NK or even Pari, as everyone had hope that the baby will bring some maternal instinct but all in vein. 







In fact, when Pari was born things turned for worse as Khushi couldn’t seem to take care of the baby and at first everyone thought that it was the baby-blue moods after baby born but it didn’t seem to pass. Lavanya had been taking care of Pari mostly along with NK and finally after 04 months of not seemingly passing baby-blue mood had taken Khushi to a psychiatrist. According to the doctor Khushi was already in depression and postpartum syndrome has made it worse, since than every passing day they all are watching her fade away helplessly. Lavanya has turned support-pillar for NK and she knew NK felt responsible and maybe he was at fault in manipulating the situation to win Khushi and has caused long-term damage with no way to change them now. And Khushi never outright confronted or blamed him actually making things worse for NK with the silence and indifference she gave him.











NK pulled the car in parking at the side of road bringing Lavanya out of her thoughts and he spoke turning the engine off: “Okay we’ll stop here for a while, go to washroom if you want to and we’ll pick some snacks and drinks also.” looking at both the ladies asked, “Anything specific anyone wants?” mostly wanting his wife to at least verbally answer or acknowledge him.







Lavanya said: “I want to get down and stretch my legs some and I’ll go to washroom and then check the convenient store to see what I want in snacks.” getting down from the car and stretching her stiff limbs.








Khushi just shook her head saying: “I’ll be in the car; I don’t want anything.” without looking at any of them, turning to rest her head on the window glass staring outside again.







NK felt his heartbreak at seeing such lifeless look in her eyes but there was nothing he could do about it. He would forever carry the burden of his selfishness which has evidently caused irrevocable damage to two people in his blindness in love. He cleared his throat says: “Okay, then you stay in the car I’ll lock up the doors and Pari will also be with you here than.” hoping to give some alone time with the baby as usually she avoids being with the baby alone or otherwise. 




Khushi glanced at him, said: “No take her with you, it’s not good to leave a baby in car like that and maybe she needs a diaper change too.” frowning as she didn’t want to be left with the baby alone in car.








Now it was also a valid reason, leaving a baby in locked car was not good idea and so Lavanya agreed: “Yeah I think it is better to check her diaper and change it now since we have stopped now, who knows where we’ll stop next.” added thoughtfully. 







So, leaving Khushi in car NK and Lavanya got down taking Pari out of her car-seat and taking her diaper bag from the car and he locked the doors, after which they left towards the restrooms and store. Khushi blankly stared out the other window and watched them walk away thinking sadly what a mess their life has turned, if only she wasn’t there than NK, Lavanya and baby Pari would have made a happy family. But the ironic situation is that guilt won’t let NK divorce her, Lavanya would stay in the side-line fulfilling every responsibility but won’t ask him too for her best friend's sake. Maybe it is time that she takes the step of back out of their way and get divorce from NK, so that Lavanya and NK would finally get married. As it is from the last 02 years, ever since Arnav's death news she has stopped wearing sindoor or mangalsutra or anything except white saree, she look and lives more like Arnav's widow than NK's wife, not that their marriage has been more than a sham before and now it's just obligation and guilt in NK's part that he is till tied to her. She couldn’t reunite with her love because that is her fate but she can reunite another couple in love at least, smiling sadly as she decided to talk to NK about divorce to him tonight after getting back home. She decides that she'll also give all rights of Pari to him and move to England permanently, she would like to spend remainder of her life in that cottage which has Arnav's presence and their memories. Lost in her new resolve when suddenly a harsh impact from behind had startled her jerking her forward harshly and then broken glass, crashed stuck between seats, blood, hazy in pain as she blacked out.  
















Koyi to raah woh hogi
Jo mere ghar ko aati hai
Karo peechha sada unn ka
Suno kya kehna chaahti hai




















.....















Lavanya first went to washroom herself asking NK to hold Pari and after that she came back to take Pari and the diaper bag to go to baby-care washroom to change diaper. After she was done, she entered convenient store with Pari and helping NK pick the snacks when suddenly there was a huge collision noise from outside and everyone ran outside. 





There in front of them was NK’s SUV wrecked from behind by a mini-tempo truck and rushed towards the car for Khushi. Getting near the car they saw it has taken the force of hit from behind and Khushi was leaning forward with amidst the broken glass, crushed metal and front seat unconscious bleeding but they couldn’t get her out. The ambulance and fire brigade were already soon and within 10 mins the sirens were heard coming. Help arrived soon and the door had to be cut to pull Khushi out of the car, para-medics immediately took her away administrating first-aid care while putting her in the ambulance. The tempo driver was also taken away by other ambulance for his injuries though they were not major like Khushi’s while police were taking statements from people around.










One of the para-medic told NK and Lavanya when asked: “She is very bleeding heavily and also has some major head trauma along with so many cuts from the broken glass. It doesn’t seem too good for her but we’re taking her to hospital and it would be better if you follow us there in another vehicle instead, that gives us the chance to work on stopping the bleeding without you in the way.” as he said in hurried tone.








Lavanya asked: “Which hospital are you taking her?” worried for her friend now more than ever.







The para-medic replied: “City Hospital.” and quickly got in the ambulance which immediately high-tailed to hospital.






The police offered to take them hospital in their car after taking their quick statements and they got inside with them, Lavanya kept glancing at NK worriedly who seemed to be in some too shocked to reacted. Soon they reached the hospital and were sitting in the waiting-room as Khushi was taken for immediate surgery while the family had been informed. Within an hour Mamaji, Anjali, Shyam, Payal and Akash had come to the hospital immediately dropping their respective kids to Shantivan in the care of Buaji, Garima auntie, Sashi uncle along with Manorama Maami. 





After torturous wait of almost 05 hours and Payal had already been sent home with Pari hours back, the doctor came out of the OT which caused them to get up hurriedly. The doctor had a serious ominous look as she asked them: “Mrs. Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada’s family?” and getting the affirmation continued, “I regret to inform you that we couldn’t save her. She had suffered heavy brain trauma which caused heavy internal bleeding along with external too due to her injuries... with so much of blood loss, it was nothing we could do to revive her. We’ll soon release the body in your custody along with that I’ll issue the death certificate, I’m sorry for your loss.” with that the doctor left while the family broke into cries of swallows and grief.

.....



       
















Tum aaoge mujhe milne
Khabar ye bhi tum hi laana
Bahot aayi gayi yaadein
Magar is baar tum hi aana

















She looked around with bewildered wonderment as she walked down the forest trail wondering how she got here but not too trouble about it either. Her simple georgette red saree with white stone designs made her look beautiful with her open dark chestnut hair dancing in the soft breeze as her bangles tinkling and one anklet made jiggling sound. Following the path. The diamond pendent of her mangalsutra glittered in sunlight while the steak of red sindoor on her maang looked more vivid in contrast to her hair, she saw the familiar house with it garden ahead of her and catching the sight of it she smiled widely running to quickly reach the house.

She pushed open the main gate and ran up the cobbled driveway and saw ahead on the front poach he was standing dressed in red-black semi-formals looking as devilishly handsome smirking at her watching her approach leaning on a porch pillar. She flew up the few steps and slammed into his waiting arms as she held onto him with all her strength. 











He whispered in her ears: “Welcome home Piyu.” as he entangled his one hand in her long hair, caressing them.   









Khushi pressing herself even more into him if possible and pulled back a little, cupped his face said: “Hum akhir kar ghar aa hi gaye par aapne hume bahut intezaar karaya isse phele hi hum ghar aa sake, aapki bahut yaad aayi hume Arnav.”  she pulled him down in a loving long kiss and after being breathless pulled back, “Aur iss baar hum kahi nahi jaayenge, hum aapke saath hi rahenge.” declared her intentions of staying to him. (I’m home at last but you made me wait so long before I can come home, missed you so much Arnav. And am not going back this time, I’m going to stay with you.)

Arnav brushed her hair out of her eyes, smiled saying: “Ab tumhare yaha rukne ka waqt aagaya hai aur main yahi tumahara intezaar kar raha tha bilkul jaise maine tumse vaada kiya tha. Ab sirf main, tum aur humara pyaar hoga yaha… Yeh humara hamesha hai Piyu.” promising her as he kissed her cheek lovingly, continued, “Vase tum ab bhi sirf ek hi payal pehanti ho… phir se tumhari payal kho gai aur tumhe pata nahi chala…?” as he gave her a teasing mischievous look. (It’s time for you stay now and I was here waiting for you like promised you. Now it’s going to be only me, you and our love here… this is our forever Piyu. And you are still wearing only one anklet… you lost your anklet again without realizing…?)

She gave him a look and then replied: “Iss ke elawa aur kya kare hum… humara na ek payal chor hai jo humesha humari payal chori kar leta hai… Ab uss badmaash chor ko bolo ki humari payal wapas kare, hum uske wapas karne ka intezaar kar rahe hai…” giggled as she teased him back. (What else should I do… I have a anklet thief who always steals my anklet… Now ask that naughty thief to return my anklet, I am waiting for him to return it…)








He smiled at her sweetly, said: “Woh chor tumhari payal nahi chori karta; tumhari payal hi uske pass humesha chali jati hai khud-ba-khud… Aur woh chor bhi na intezaar kar raha tha tumhe tumhari payal lautne ke liye… aur na uske pass tumhara bahut kuch hai jo woh tumhe dena chahta hai, toh ander chalke dekhe kya kya uske pass hai tumhe dene ke liye, Piyu…” and she happily nodded giving her consent impatiently. (That thief didn’t steal your anklet; your anklet only goes to him always on its own… And that thief was waiting to return your anklet to you… and he has a lot of other things to give you, so should we go inside and see what all he has to give you, Piyu…)

With that Arnav picked her up in his arms bridal style and Khushi wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder happily and he turned to walking inside the house while whispering sweet-nothings.                           


















“Marjaavaan…
Marjaavaan…”

....




















“The timing of death, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it.”
                                                                                                      - Mary Catherine Bateson

---FINS---














[NOTE: So, in the beginning I wasn’t thinking about letting Arnav and Khushi get into physical aspect of their relationship but when I started writing that poolside scene after watching the Diwali episode on Hotstar and I so wanted ArShi to have kissed… that Arnav hadn’t been rude to Khushi like that. So, I recreated that scene almost and this time they kissed and had all the right conversation with loving gazes and shy smiles and with the flow their loving making came. But again, thinking on that the thought of Khushi’s first time being with NK didn’t settle well with me as it is, I had to put that she had physical relationship with NK is bad enough for me, let’s not add the virginity too. Now I know a lot of you wouldn’t have been happy that she was physical with NK but it was inevitable as you see that she married him and he would take his husband’s rights on her though later he did realize that he just had her body… nothing else, she was like a lifeless doll for him to do anything but he could never have her emotions or love or anything. 





Now about NK was more of blinded and misguided in his love for Khushi which had made him do what he did. When he had seen Arnav and Sonakshi, he thought to take advantage of the situation and taking his chance on gamble, it was his luck that Khushi and everyone else came into his words. If Khushi or anyone had shown a bit of trust on Arnav then he would have fought back but since no one did, which broke his heart and he silently took all their accusations and punishment. A lot will think that why is Khushi is so unforgiving to NK, well she is acknowledges her  mistake but she also holds NK responsible which is also true as if he hadn't shown those pictures and made up story... than that evening Arnav would have talked to Khushi, he would have gotten his treatment, been alive and ArShi would have been happily married with kids and all. So, no matter how much you hold Khushi or the family responsible for their behaviour but that is secondary, the first thing is what NK did had caused all those reaction... so he was the catalyst to have caused the events to occur like they did. 








Also I know many wouldn't have liked that Sonakshi has forgiven Khushi so easily but like she had told her, there was no worse punishment that Sonakshi could have given Khushi than delivering Arnav's death news. So, in the end Sonakshi found it pointless to punish or be angry at an already repenting and suffering Khushi, she knows her best friend would have been disappointed at her if she behaved rude or insensitive.  And there is no particular or logical reason behind little Arnav’s dislike for Raizada family or NK, sometimes kids just don’t like few people or a person for no reason than they just don’t like them... so don’t think any deeper or significance behind it as there is nothing to it.










I think I should have mentioned this earlier in the note but it didn't struck me before reading few of the comments about NK and Khushi's physical relationship. Well, firstly I had skipped the full showing 05 years relationship of their completely and in that time a lot happens because I couldn't honestly write that and if I did than for sure I'll have another sleepless night. Secondly, Khushi can't forever stop NK from physically claiming his rights and neither will he stop... so their marriage scenario was that NK gave her space in the beginning in hopes that she'll fall for him but she was becoming more depressed and distant. Now this made NK become close to Lavanya over the years, say for like 04-n-half years things are like this and NK-Lavanya start falling for each other, now Lavanya stays silent because of her friend. While NK denies his feelings because of everything he did to marry Khushi... and this denying his feelings made him take step to start physical relationship with Khushi in process of denying his feelings for Lavanya. Now, NK soon realizes that though Khushi doesn't stop him from letting him physical but she is disgusted by his touch and he couldn't deny anymore about his feelings for Lavanya. So, this situation is a mess which only he created and then they get to know about Arnav's death and this makes NK feel responsible because of which he can never leave her... Khushi's pregnancy was accidental and he had hopes that maybe this baby will bring some light in Khushi's life but that never happens. I hope this clears things a bit.. now if some would ask why Khushi doesn't stop him... well logically how can she? It is easy to say but people who marry someone they don't want to while loving someone else, they can't stop their spouse... so they just let it happen even if they would rather not... that is how life is, painful and unfair...









This story’s idea came to me when I was having a phase of watching movies or reading stories with tragic endings... It made me think, if I can write something which makes everyone cry and hence this little SS... Do tell if I made you cry even if out of frustration on how bad the story was. Anyways finally, this story has come to an end… my first completed multi chapter story, yayyy! Now how many of you want epilogue…? What do you expect to see in the epilogue...? And how was the overall storyline… was it good or bad or worse…? If it’s good idea than I might try and put them in the epilogue part, so do tell... And I want more then ‘Awesome’ and ‘Good part’, a little more detailed comment would me nice… also like/vote, don’t forget that…will be back with another story soon.

#PS: How many of you counted the slaps NK received from Sonakshi...? Do you think he deserved more or this was enough...?






#PPS: And to clarify to those who got confused that no Arnav didn't actually come nor did Khushi went mad in grief when she saw him in front of her in Doctor's cabin... that was just her imagination, sort of like how in the movie 'Mohabbatein', Shah Rukh imagined Aishwarya around him even if she was technically already dead... so just like that Khushi imagined Arnav around her when he really wasn't there.


#PPPS: Will updated the Alternate Version of Part 03 in few hours, I need to do one more proof-reading of it before I post... that part has some similar and some different scenes than this, but am too happy with how it has turned out... I am very excited to post it, so until then enjoy this and don’t forget to leave comments.]